i hate myself

yesterday after receiving some msg,
burst into tears,dun wan mum to notice im crying,
so went out alone to the playground.
Noel came down to look for me.
i cant stop myself from crying.tears just keep rolling down from my eyes.
i really dunno what to do.
i dun know my own feeling~
drank a little yesterday.
cant wake up this morning for PE~
was late..
Finally i said it out.but wasnt firm enough..
was touched again~
now i guess we just need some time to cool down ourselves.
to really think about this relationship.
at first wanna give up this relationship e people is me.
now after saying break up,cry like crazy~
what the hell im doing?
GOSH!
im just hurting him even more.
but i just cant be firm with my decision,i afraid i will regret~
i hate myself...
after school went pasir ris park with Audrey,
chit chating.
had a nice chat i guess..
but still no answer in my heart yet.
what should i do?
what m i doing?
what i wan?
is there still love?
i dunno~
i just really really really
HATE MYSELF~